We took a family trip to Florida to visit my wife's abuela and cousin.

The community had a pool.

I had a mission. Four-year old would learn how to swim.

Our starting position: A four-year old who loves the water, but was not comfortable submerging his face.

What I did: My most important job was to make sure he felt safe and comfortable, because we cannot learn if we do not feel safe.

Once I could be sure he felt safe, I let him invent games to play and gently nudged him to exploring his boundaries. So gently that he didn't even know I was doing it.

First he wanted to explore jumping into the pool with me catching him in the air. As he expanded his comfort sphere, he told me to go further and further back. Then he wanted me to catch him in the water, and finally, to not catch him at all. Splash! And then he would find me. Again, he told me to go further and further back until instead of just grabbing on to me, he had to swim underwater to me. First half a stroke, then two. Then far enough that he actually had to come up for air and go under again.

And when he go to me, we played Rocketship. He extended his arms, we counted "Three... Two... One... Blastoff," and I pushed him, just barely submerged, to the pool wall. When I saw he felt comfortable, I took a teeny tiny step back, and pushed with a little less force, so he had to propel himself to reach the wall. Each time, I moved an imperceptible (for him) distance further away.

There were other games. Dragon (he's really into the How to Train Your Dragon movies and series) involved him climbing on my wife's back, throwing one of his Hot Wheels to the bottom of the pool, and holding on while my wife dove to pick it up. Later he thought it would be a good idea to throw the How Wheel to the bottom of the pool and get it himself.

When we got back to Puerto Rico, I got him a Boogie Board and a pair of googles for the beach. He's been in the water six times since that first day at the pool when he refused to put his face under the water. And now he's going under water, navigating the surf, and locating and picking up stones to build his sand castles.

And we never taught him a thing. We just provided him with the security and encouragement he needed.

tags: #systems-thinking, #personal-life, #reflective, #narrative, #inner-life, #family